It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
