No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
