So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
