thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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