I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
