The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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