i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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