Farmville is her only friend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Houston, we have a blender
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
