He had one of those small greek statue penises
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
