every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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