suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.