so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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