He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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