My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
