he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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