just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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