If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
