Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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