But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
