I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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