You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
