ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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