He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we're making bets on your personal life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
