I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize