someone threw a dead crab at me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
