I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
