i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
