i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
