I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
