My hand turned me down
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
