I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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