no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
