I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
