my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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