Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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