Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Buhtt sex?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
