you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
