youre lurking in front of me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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