Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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