it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
