so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
