Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
