loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
