when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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