That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
