You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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