Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
