shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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