Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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