my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
