i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
