I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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