bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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