Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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