If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
