every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
