Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.