Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.

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(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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(951): View more from California

my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

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(914): View more from New York

He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(718): View more from New York

Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.

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(915): View more from Texas

I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went

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