Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY