I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"