shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!