Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.