Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened