I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.