im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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