I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Randomize
