thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
