not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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