bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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