I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize