i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
