Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
