marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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