my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
